Here is a transcript of an interview recently completed on KGB News Talk Radio with Rosti Strostakoff.
Rosti Strostakoff: Greetings, comrade. Welcome to the program.
Eliot Lash: Much obliged.
RS: So comrade Lash, our listeners have a few questions for you.
EL: Is this going to be an interrogation? Cause I'm protected by international law.
RS: No, it's more like a magazine quiz.
EL: Ah.
RS: Our first question is from Ivan Schobskachevsky-ivonavich of Krakow. He writes:
"Eliot, why do I suck, and you pj0wnz so much?"
EL: I've been contemplating this very question since, oh, about fifteen minutes ago. My theory is that each human is born with a certian amount of "radons", also known as "the awesome factor". Conclusive experiments with test subjects (myself and Neight) show that we were born with an abonormally high awesome factor. Lesser creatures such as yourself, Ivan, are born not so awsome.
RS: Thank you comrade. We now go live to Vladamir Ulyeskavich for traffic report.
Vladamir Ulyeskavich: Traffic does not look too good down here in Stalingrad. The soviet war machine has stalled on the interunion, causing a massive backup from here to Moscow. Back to you, Rosti.
RS: Thank you comrade Vladamir. We return to the interview with comrade-
EL: Don't call me comrade.
RS:-uh, Mr. Lash-
EL: *cough*commiebastard*cough*
RS: Shut your greedy trap, you capatalist pig dog!
Announcer: This edition of KGB News Talk Radio has been brought to you by the people and SSNN, the Soviet Socialist News Netwerk.