12.06.2003

An amusing piece I just ran across, dated 11/7/02:

Wow, I had a terrible time getting home today.
I had to repack my backpack so the papers wouldn�t get wet, and walk over a mile in the bloody downpour, managing to soak both my feet in the gutter runoff. When I got home, I decided to take a long bath. After I got out (having received several calls during the bath), I was called by my dad asking about dinner. I suggested we make Chicken Kiev. I went out to the garage, still in my boxers, to get the Kievs, closing the door behind me to keep the dog inside. Once I had grabbed the food, I went back up and tried to open the door. There is only one day in where the handle to the door is locked, and that is Thursday. Just my luck.

I grabbed a shirt and pants off the clothesline and decided to look for the extra key. Shoeless, I trudged uphill in the mud to the spot where we keep the key, only to find the key was missing. Perfect.

I downed a soda and proceeded down the muddy slope to my backyard, fumbling with the lock on the gate. I was wet and angry as I returned to the garage, hopeless. I was growing upset and bored, when a thought dawned on me. My dog was still inside. I scampered from the garage to my back door and looked through the dog flap. After repeatedly calling him, he finally appeared, and fled almost immediately.

After repeated attempts, my dog finally grew convinced it was okay to come outside. I was happy, and we retreated to the garage. As I was playing with my dog, a sudden realization came to my mind. My backpack contained an extra key to the house, but my backpack was in the house.

A look through the dog door revealed that my backpack was indeed on the other side of the door, just out of my reach. I went back to the garage, disappointed. Just then, I noticed a pole lying in a cobwebby corner of the garage. I picked it up and headed toward my back door, determined. After several attempts, I managed to loop a strap around the pole. I tried to bring the backpack closer, but it wouldn't budge.

I decided, instead of pulling it, to try to lever the backpack up and bring the pole in. The backpack was too far away for me to be able to get any good leverage without another length of pole, but I managed to keep it in the air long enough to bring it closer to the dog door.

I reached through and firmly grasped a strap. I'd almost done it! I hoisted the backpack up against the dog door, and opened up the front pouch zipper. I felt along the cord in the inside, and there it was. I pulled out the key. I tried to put the key in the lock, but the cord wasn't long enough. Simply solved. I detached the length of cord holding the key, inserted it into the lock, and turned.

Ha ha ha ha ha! I triumphantly marched up to the garage door and let the dog back through. Unlocking the handle of the garage door, I picked up the Kievs, closed both doors to the outside, attached a key to my wrist, and started preheating the oven to 400 degrees.

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