Eliot and Robert's Drunksailing Adventures.

This weekend, I saw signs posted everywhere for garage sales. As it turned out, saturday was a community-wide garage sale for all of San Carlos. The first thing I thought was, "time to go drunksailing". If you are not aware of the detestable pastime, let me enlighten you.

Drunksailing has been practiced since the first garage sales, most likely during the stone age. More recently, this habit has been publicized on the internet by the late drunkgamers.com, which was operated by the now-famous guys who make Red vs. Blue. What it involves is getting really drunk, and then crusing around various garage sales for video games and other junk. This practice has been recently revived by The New Gamer. Of course, BUI (Biking Under the Influence) is quite dangerous. Therefore, we refrained from the alcohol, so I guess it could be considered sobersailing.

Anyway, seeing that this was quite an opportunity, I rang up my buddy Robert Muller to see if he'd like to join me on a little escapade. Naturally, he accepted, and once he'd arrived at my house we got on bikes and were on our way.

Our first stop was an old lady's house. She had some cool old books for sale- I bought two books on spaceflight from the 60's and robert got an awesome tome of kung-fu mastery.
You kick through walls with more power! Learn fast!
After that, we cruised around through a couple of sales, eventually winding up at an estate sale where people were selling furniture, fine china, etc. We agreed this was a bit out of our leauge, so we left. Robert bought an arm-mounted slingshot, and then we homed in on the ultimate purchase...

The Jacket. This was a spiffy trenchoat, and the guy wanted $15. Robert talked him down to twelve, and we decided to split the cost. BAD MOVE.

After dropping the crap we had accumulated off at Robert's place, we continued on our quest. We passed up on a hot deal for some N64 cartridges, and continued on to find some really cool merch.

I got a VHS tape of Good Will Hunting, one of my favorite movies. I also purchased some old Vinyls- Saturday Night Fever and an ELO album. I figure I'll never be able to play them (our turntable is broken) but the cover art is so spiffy I might wind up hanging 'em on my walls. We also got a power cord for our new EEG machine!

After that, things started to wind down. Robert must have bought about two gallons of lemonade from this poor kid. He also got an electronics handbook from 1991, which he was very excited about. I asked why, and he told me that the one he was using was from the 70's.

We stopped off at Mike's house to drop shit off. For those poor fools who don't know mike, he's a supacool college man who, incedentally, did NOT nick robert's wallet. After that small detour, we made our final rounds.

The only memorable purchase from our final round was actually not a purchase at all; robert got a free set of sparring gear from some people who were planning to just give them away. They were in a diaper box which we bungee-corded to the back of robert's bike, resulting in many antics and possibly anecdotes.

Our day of drunksailing was now winding to a close. We went back to Mike's house and played some Brute Force with Mike's friend Justin. Afterwards, we biked back to Robert's and, supposedly, got all of my shit that we had left there. Then we headed back to my house for The Ultimate Showdown.

We both knew that the trophy of the day was The Jacket. We both had equal shares and, as I predicted, we both wanted total possesion. What resulted was a frenzied attempt to get the other party to accept our six bucks. Eventually, Robert said I could have $7.25 because of finder's fee. I accepted, and then tried to buy the whole thing back for $16. This was, perhaps, my greatest mistake, as robert refused to give up his newly-earned holdings.

Oh, what a fool am I. He would not relent, and I would not give up, Seeing that I had no chance of winning The Jacket back via coercion, I decided on a method of last resort. We would hold a contest, and the winner would recieve the ultimate prize. I suggested a game of Star Control. He declined, since I would obviously kick his ass. Then I suggested Ping-Pong. I knew I would lose, but at least I would have a slim chance at reclaiming my birthright.

But alas, it was not to be. I was owned with a humiliating 21 to 16. I think. I don't really remember it too much. It was terrible.

But one day, the jacket will be mine. I alone will wield its terrible power over the human psyche. Run, mortal. Run while you still can.


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